o man i literally scared the shit outta myself tonight ... almost wrecked and died (i was driving too fast, stupid kids...) yea sorta shook me up...

no one answered how they felt about the animal testing question...... i was really curious.  and no i'm not a homosexual..... yes i am a virgin the explanation to that, was typed during an earlier entry in my blog.... i have a terrible cough.... go figure it happens during the holidays.  it is finally snowing hooray, this means snowboarding soon!  so before school got out for break my friends were talking about how their families all get drunk for thanksgiving.... something i can't exactly relate to.  no no my family does nothing like that..... ya wanna know what my family did for thanksgiving this year?  they all burned their AARP cards or something symbolic of that in protest of the AARP supporting the medicare bill that was recently passed.  i thought it was kinda cool.... 

for all of you that are into the whole "ethical treatment of animals" how do you feel about drug testing that could save human lives?  should that be banned? 

o and the whole bracelet thing.... it is pretty stupid i agree, but then if you think about it .... it does make casual sex a lot easier if people are into that sorta thing.... so maybe that is the way to do things ya know...  the whole game of dating i think is stupid, i think people should just be open and straightforward with eachother and the bracelets do make things a lot more straightforward... so i don't know.

why are people so turned off by certain subjects... the only places they can comfortably talk about it is on the internet.  you know what i'm talking about.... that's right sex.  everyone keeps to themselves about sex in our everday life as if it were some terrible phenomenon that would bring doom upon those that discussed it.  not talking about sex is like not talking about what you ate because "it is gross".  o and another thing that bugs me, why do girls parade their bodies around like sex toys but then say they don't want sex and call girls that do it sluts?  the reason i say this is because of this thing that highschoolers are doing now... sex bracelets. they used to be called something else but i can't remember... anyways they are these rubber bracelets that girls wear and they come in many different colors.  every color stands for some sort of sexual act.  now if a guy breaks the bracelet then the girl has to do that for the guy.  days after this was heard of at my school this one girl started wearing those bracelets.  she proclaims herself as a righteous reborn christian and she is wearing the bracelets... so a guy breaks her bracelet and she is saying "no no no i won't do it".  so let me ask you why were you wearing them in the first place?  you are parading yourself around to be an object of desire for men and that would be all fine and dandy if she actually felt that way, but no she is really just craving attention.

normal people will read a book and say " wow that was powerful... so much meaning..." an english teacher will read a book and say "pshaw, another run on sentence!  This person has terrible grammar"  of course if the english teacher was writing his/her comment it wouldn't look anything similar to what i just wrote.  no no, i'm just wondering when the point of language stopped being to communicate with other people?   when the point of stories stopped being to tell a good yarn? when the point essays stopped being to explain something? and when the point of all of that started being to put your commas in the right place and not put "p"s in front of the page numbers when you are citing a quote?  when did coloring get to the point where it was more important to color in the lines than to make something beautiful?

does anyone know what blog on this site has the most hits?

so i got hit by a car last monday.... yep that was crazy exciting.  i'm just standing there in my friends driveway and another one of my friends is pulling up the drive.  he is acting like he is going to hit me with his car but i'm convinced he won't so basically i'm playing chicken with his car.  well at the last second i realize he is going to hit me so i try to jump on his hood but apparently he was going a little too fast for that.  i just land on his hood and my feet are taken out from under me and i flip over his car... it was pretty crazy,  it didn't hurt as bad as it sound though i think,  only have a bruise and a scraped up arm from landing on the gravel.

and now that i think about it a thank you to anyone that reads my blog and a nice rose @--{-------. i love that kind of picture.

so i was at my friends house today... and he really wanted to check his act score early but he was having a hard time convincing his mom to let him do it.... so his mom made him a deal that if his score didn't go up he had to pay her fifty bucks.  so he checked it and it went down... ouch.   talk about adding insult to injury.  see the problem here is this kid has the ability to do well at college i know he does and he wants to go to a decent college but his acts aren't great and he may very well just get screwed.... it really sucks for him.

so my last entry i think goes right along with my entry about  being conceited... it is all those thoughts (associating myself with being intelligent and stuff) that makes me wonder if i'm conceited.  i keep coming to the realization or thought anyways that i'm not that smart and i just can' accept it.  i can accept i'm not athletic, i'm not hot, etc but for some reason the idea that i'm not smart really bothers me.  another reason that i was wondering about being conceited.  it all just doesn't make much sense i guess.

i always become depressed when doing anything having to do with college because i have to confront my standardized test scores.  i've always associated myself with being smart but my scores would speak differently and when i got them it was sort of an identity crisis because of how much i've associated myself with intelligence.  the whole experience really left me in the dumps for a long time and was just extremely depressing..... i suppose it could be good for my personal growth in the long run but it makes it damn hard to get into the college i want and i think it contributes to my procrastination of applying to colleges.

o... also today i made chocolate chip cookies for the cheerleader that made my scrapbook.  she happens to be the gf of one of my friends so he helped me with them.... let's just say disaster probably doesn't describe it enough.  but hey she took them home without seeing them while i was there so i guess i get off scott free.

The days are numbered... 666... : vendetta red.  i really really like their cd that i have but i've only heard bad things about them in concert.  anyways, we had our football banquet tonight and i got a few honors, honorable mention in our conference, 2nd team division 3 and 4 region 11.  first team north central ohio football coaches association.  as far as i could tell my honors got better as the voting got more difficult but i'm not sure if that is how it works... i think though, which is strange but hey i'm not going to complain.  this girl that i've liked for some time and have been torturing myself about admitted she has feelings for me... now most people would be ecstatic... hooray.... but no the situation does not allow me to be happy with that, in fact it is probably more frustrating to know she likes me than it was when i was under the assumption she didn't... o well that isn't very interesting reading.... but ha ha ha it is my journal.

i am torn about sex.  one side of me says that it should be meaningful and the other side says do it with whoever you can as long as no one gets hurt.  i've sorta come to the conclusion that i should make my first time meaningful since i will remember it probably and then after that do who ever i can (as long as no one is hurt)..... lol i sound like a girl.  and ya know if i wait to make the first time unique how the fuck long am i gonna wait!?!? 

i don't understand how some people have blogs with english titles and then all of their entries are in some other language... confuses me greatly.

my friend josh happened to be carrying around the book the perks of being a wallflower today at school.  i started flipping through it and it felt really heavy.   i read a few lines here and there and it me made really happy and sad all at the same time.  strange how just the presence of a book can make me so goddamn emotional.  i really want to read the bell jar.  i'm pretty sure that's what it's called.  instead i'm stuck reading a tale of two cities, for english.  it's alright but it's not something i really really want to read ya know.  does anyone know the theme of the book.  i don't think i'm far enough a long and i'd like to know.

why are people incapable of tearing themselves away from unhealthy relationships so often.

wouldn't it be strange if someone was a schizophrenic and they had a blog.  so everything they wrote in their blog didn't really happen but it was all really detailed stories and stuff.  i bet it would be interesting.

i heard an awesome song tonight on one of my cds i haven't listened to in a long time and i don't know the name of it or who does it.  it is off the mix i made that is in the book the perks of being a wallflower.  the mix the main character makes for his friend's birthday.... great book... great song... but i'm still pissed off about my friend's asshole behavior... sigh.

is it just impossible to confront some people with problems?  it seems as if certain people just become extremely defensive and start attacking you whenever you confront them with anything and no matter how you confront them.  makes me wonder how i react when people confront me with problems...  i'm also convinced the friend thinks i'm really conceited.  i often wonder if i'm conceited.... i think "i do believe that i am better at most people at most things and i do have evidence of that but then on the other hand i have evidence supporting the argument that i'm not better than most people at most things".  i've come to the conclusion that i'm a pretty good judge of myself because of the fact that i think about that and i am critical of my thinking.  but still it's hard to say.... maybe i am conceited that still doesn't give my friend a right to just insult me when i'm trying to have an honest conversation with him.

i haven't updated in a really long time so here goes...  as of now there is someone new living at my house.  an acquaintance from school is now living with me and my mom.  i was talking with him and his living situation was pretty shitty so i asked him if he wanted to live here and he decided to move in.  it makes things interesting to say the least.  also i went to a couple parties last night and the night before.  it made me come to the conclusion that i don't really relate to anynoe around here.  i'm definitely a loner in those to social groups.  and even my friends that are closest to me i don't relate to all that well.  what else... got my sats back,  did shitty.  i'm convinced i can not do well on those tests.  that's ok you can think whatever you want of that.  i guess that sums of the events of recent.