i have a hard time thinking of a movie in which the main character lived happily ever after but did not fall in love by the end.... is it possible?

ya know i think my IM conversations are usually better when someone else starts them....

i think it must be difficult to read my posts.  i never put commas in so you have to read it how it flows in my head or it doesn't make sense.... unfortunately most people probably don't know how it flows in my head....

there is a lot of bad music in the world but honestly i think there is a lot more just really average music.... when i listen to music i want to really really feel something.... unfortunately if i listen to the music that does that all the time it gets old... hmm... need more really really good music....

i don't think you can help people through angst directly.... everything is subtle and indirect.... angst convinces people so thoroughly that they are alone you can't approach the problem in any way that will let their mind think.... hey they are trying to help my problem.... it is all subtle and indirect.

it's pretty dumb to argue about whether or not feelings are justified...

ok so i was thinking.... i honestly believe people's opinions of things are often formed very quickly and arbitrarily and then later we try to justify those feelings through logic.... to prove to ourselves that our feelings have a base...make sense. 

so i was thinking... is it bad to hate things... food, music, whatever ya know.... cause it is sorta bothersome when people hate things you really enjoy but to each his own right.... but isn't there something to be said for liking stuff... ya know... being able to listen to all types of music.... not being a picky eater.... ya know.  I would think that is good but that would imply it is bad to be a picky eater and have really selective tastes in music.... and honestly it bugs me when people are really picky about stuff... but i can't figure out why..... it is pretty unjustified.  to each his own right. and you can always say "well they are the ones missing out" but yea.... it still bugs me.

sometimes i go through old stuff from elementary school and read my writing.  I usually find that my views were pretty dumb... not all but a lot.... ya know i've learned a lot since then... so because of this i've decided that the best way to judge our behavior, ideas habits, mannerisms and whatever else, is to try to imagine what we will think of them if we remembered them 10 or 20 years from now.... cause most of the stupid shit we do we don't remember.... so we don't have a chance to tell ourselves how dumb that was....

sometimes i wonder how many people completely discount eachother because of their first impression.... the impression they get from the other person when the other person is wearing a mask that they put on for the world and people they don't know..... a mask that doesn't let anyone see what the person is really like..... when in fact the two people meeting eachother are very similiar.... yet they dismiss eachother because what the other person puts on for the rest of the world to see is not at all how the first person feels inside.... even though the first person puts on the same outfit for the rest of the world to see as the other person... and then the other person discounts the first person because they only see the fake outfit they are wearing and no one really gets to know what the other person is like.... how often does this happen.  i honestly find it hard to believe that so many people are as shallow as they let the world think.... 

i think it is generally incredibly easy to make girls laugh.... i think i need to meet some girls that are hard to get to laugh.

i think i need something new... something different....

i often become very disgusted looking around at all the couples at our school... they all seem so fake.  yet it makes them happy to be with eachother... and often times they will swear they love eachother when they are together... only to fall apart a short while later... so what is it that makes feelings real... more than just attraction... or is attraction all that really matters.... is there really no difference between the puppy love, the guy and girl just trying to ease their loneliness and the man and woman who have been married for 50 years... i would like to believe there is a difference... but what is it... and what makes one couple more real than another couple?.... is everyone just so happy pretending because it gets their mind of reality for awhile...

at the moment i am wondering if it is a bad thing that i often feel as if i have nothing to talk about on here... it sorta implies that my day was pretty empty nothing worth noting.... how many days do i have like that?  ugh...

i'm not ready to grow up... i don't want to. i enjoy listening to angry music, depressing music, stealing things, being irresponsible, and trying to live every day. i don't want to get stuck in a routine, have responsibilities, be mature... it's all too close. i'm not ready to be at the point in my life where i'm not growing up anymore.... ya know. where i actually have to eat healthy and get excercise or my body will atrophy, make money so i can survive.... i could do all that but i don't want to and i don't see myself ever wanting to.... i have a hard to understanding how adults get adult mindsets... i mean it doesn't make sense to me to want to work, take care of kids, be responsible.... seems to me it is more like people are forced into being like that... and how can anyone enjoy it? (i'm not sure if this post is saying exactly what i want it to)

since i can't reply on the person's site who left that last comment i shall reply here: doomed is pretty negative way.... there is a lot i like about my friends... i would be..... fucked without them.  but there is a lot of aspects in all of us that i don't admire and i wish we didn't have.....

when i reread that quote i think one of the many misconceptions of the loneliness is that no one else understands... after all if other people understood then you wouldn't be lonely... i disagree though.... i think a lot of people understand... it just doesn't make a difference.   and i also believe we are doomed to be a lot like our friends.... so not only do they understand but they are experiencing the same thing (often anyways) and yet you are stuck just watching them go through it like a spectator at some sick game that involves the self-destruction of another person

after reading various things online published by people with deep religious views i feel like i'm going to barf.  not so much because i disagree but because they so vehemently support forcing their morals on others.  it makes me want to be super careful about what i say to other people.  it just seems so utterly ridiculous to so one set of morals and beliefs as "righteous" and all others as "evil".  what happened to americans with american ideals.... people that believed in letting others live how they want.  Live and let live.  to each his own.  makes me sick......

i want to read a book.... not just any book but one of those books that when you put it down you say, "wow...." and just think about it for a long time..... i want to see a movie...not just any movie, one of those movies where you try to watch the whole thing knowing it is just a movie but it is so good you can't help feeling..... feeling everything in the movie.  i want to feel something powerful...yea i think that's what i'm getting at.... something powerful everday. (like a good kick in the nuts....)

sleep deprivation is not good for the emotionally unstable.... can really mess with your mind....i think our constant change in feeling is vital to keep us from not eating bullets... we already practically do the same thing everyday.... just think about how terrible it would be if we felt the same way everyday... so this pain you feel is really just keeping you alive... i forget where this idea is from (i think fight club).... yea.... they start fighting because feeling the pain from the fight is being alive... an awakening... it is better to feel pain and know u are alive than to go through life each day not feeling anything.... i'm not reading back over this post and i have a feeling none of it is going to make sense....

had a good time last night... but now i am facing a dillemna.... should i try to get with a girl that i constantly tell myself i shouldn't get with but yet still have the urge to see.... seems like i would be walking into a bad situation if i did date her or whatever ya know.   perhaps tonight will remind me of why i don't date her.... usually does.

i have so much to say and nothing to write.....

i was thinking today... i wonder if everyone has at least one truly tragic moment in their life...something that truly changes everything.... or do some people actually make it all the way through life without experiencing tragedy.... you would think that some people would make it all the way through without experiencing tragedy.... at least one person.... and would that actually be better....  i don't know.

ok, i just noticed i started the last three posts with "ok" (now four)

ok so has anyone else noticed the phenomenon that it is a lot easier to write when you are unhappy... i think that one of two things must be the cause of this.... the only talking that i enjoy doing is bitching (very possible...) or we start thinking about things when we are unhappy.  that would imply that we also become unhappy becuase we are thinking about things, which leads to the conclusion that you will be happier if you do less thinking, ignorance is bliss.... now we know that there is a fundamental problem with that... if ignorance were bliss there would be a lot more happy people in the world.... so i really enjoy bitching, well i won't deny it.

ok i was just thinking it is really strange how many things your parents say to you that are really really true.... and it's not so much that when they said it to you you didn't believe them.... it is more that when they said it to you you just didn't really listen or care....  of course on the other hand i honestly believe my parents still feed me a lot of bullshit.... stuff that i've actually listened to and still think is bullshit.

ok so i'm trying to figure out.... what is my obsession with depressing, frustrating, or angry music? why don't i listen to happy music, upbeat music or just like content music at least (if ya know what i mean). why would you listen to something that makes you sad.... in fact i like to listen to music that makes me sad. how's that for an oxymoron.... i like to be sad? no no i dont' just the music... it is very real... but when i say it like that it makes the happy music seem fake or not very real. but perhaps that isn't it perhaps i just can't feel the happy music... ya know how you can feel certain music.... gives ya that feeling.... and i just can't feel happy music... so why the hell is that.... anyways on a different subject... a lot of people would say that they would "die for their country" and that is considered honorable and all and i think i would probably also do that but when we rephrase it to state what it really means, would you "kill for your country" how many people would do that? i don't know if i would do that.... and in all honesty that's what these people are doing (soldiers), they are killing for their country....

since i believe being a teenager is filled with the constant struggle to overcome loneliness (even though you are surrounded by friends and family) it is rather frustrating to see all your friends with someone when you have no one and the only thing you have to look forward to is that in maybe a year you will find people that you might become interested in..... if you only had the patience to wait a year.....  so life goes on... got my college apps done *pats himeslf on the back*.... break will be ending soon *bangs head on computer desk*.... go bucks.... anybody read the great gatsby and have an opinion on it?

shit this will be the first post of 2004... better write something to remember.........................