so i didn't get anything accomplished this weekend....hmm things just keep piling up...

i think it would be incredibly easy to make people mad on here but it seems as there are very few incidents of meanness....

o and i could just listen to "the scientist" forever....

so why did it take me so long to start listening to dashboard confessional? ok i think the reason is that first of all the cd that i got to see what they were like, i could not stand the first two songs and by the time they were done i didn't have the patience to listen to the rest of it open mindedly... also i believe since everyone liked them so much it was almost "cool" to not like them.... and of course there is the reason that i didn't want to bean "emo" kid... fucking emo whiners... lol..... of course what have i learned? that being open minded is very importatnt ..... if i had not convinced myself to be more open minded about their music i would've missed out on a lot....

it is awesome how, on some cds, certain tracks just flow together and make the songs that much better just because they follow eachother....

today we were talking about memory in psychology class...  it was mentioned that we have "flashbulb memory" in which we remember events with scenes or a sorta picture of it and i was thinking that a lot of the big.... life-changing.... events are remembered that way.... i have a lot of memories that are like that.... i think it is my favorite kind of memory. 

so is everyone selfish?.... i have had this conversation many times before and come to the same conclusion.... no not everyone is selfish and practically no one is completely selfish.... i only need one thing to prove my argument.... there are many occassions in whish people sacrifice their own life for another person's... this can not be conceived as self serving in any manner, (and feel free to prove me wrong) which proves that not everyone is selfish.  and there is hardly anyone that doesn't exhibit some act of generosity to another person at some point in their life.... basically proving almost no one is completely selfish

ok go figure someone made a comment about guns not being bad... well they are... they are meant to kill things how good is that?  now if we all had to hunt to survive then you might be able to make an argument that guns were good... but no we don't and last i checked it was bad to kill things (especially people) so yes they are bad... now we can all argue the merits of the 2nd amendment but the truth is it was created so that people could form militias because the government could not afford a suitable military... times have changed...  households with guns are 5 times as likely to experience a suicide than households without guns...  about the police doing whatever they want... the police are already shooting unarmed people because they know whenever they go out on the job they could get shot so they aren't about to wait and see if someone else shoots them first... this wouldn't be an issue if everyone didn't have guns... and about only criminals having guns if they are outlawed... for some reason reason the same party that believe only criminals will have guns if they are outlawed also believes outlawing drugs will prevent anyone from using them... well first of all drugs are a hell of a lot easier to produce and smuggle into the country than guns... can you imagine a bunch of poor inner city kids buying 5,000 dollar guns and then arming themselves with 500 dollar bullets?  whoever they shoot damn well desrved it cause they aren't about to waste 500 dollars on nothing (as chris rock believes)... also there are 340,000 firearm thefts each year (this excludes the guns that are bought legally and then sold to criminals)... this proves that by having guns legal we are arming criminals... and most of all if you don't think legal gun owners are arming the wrong people, i'm not the one you should talk to... the parents of the columbine victims are the ones to talk to...

after watching bowling for columbine there is one thing that i definitely pulled from that movie, that i can really relate to.... america lives in fear.... of everything honestly... we don't let our kids play outside because of sexual predators.... we don't drink diet drinks cause they cause cancer.... etc etc ....o and the movie definitely showed guns are bad but i already knew that.

so this is the first year i will get to vote and you know what i've discovered.... well i always knew it but just now really started to experience it... it is incredibly difficult to be a well informed voter... especially with local elections... the very elections we have the most influence in

i can't express my problems in this blog and just writing in here creates more problems

i wrote an entry about tragedy awhile back (january 6th)....  it makes me sad.... but you have to wonder if it is necessary..... it is certainly unavoidable.

things i need to do 1. get a job 2. write for scholarships 3. change car's oil 4. apply to honor's program 5. write english paper 6. look into camping 7. finish book and read other books 8. make cd mix 9. figure out plans for graduation and the 27th 10. stop procrastinating at all this

ok so often times government has a really hard time getting funds together for things such as education or healthcare.... as we all know a large amount of americans have no health insurance.... so what is the solution? simple.... put money where it matters the most..... in education and healthcare..... first and then pay for things like roads.... when no one can drive anywhere comfortably i'm sure they will pay taxes to cover what needs to be covered.  second, isn't this whole abortion argument sorta silly.... a large amount of people believe it should be legal and a large amount don't so what do our politicians need to do? compromise like every politician is supposed to be exceptionally good at.... set  apoint where it is legal and have a point where it isn't that makes everyone modestly happy and unhappy....

ok so i wrote a big long entry about my parents and somehow it was lost.... in summary.... it is strange that the emotion a child has towards his parents is considered love... either i am very different than most people or this is, in fact, a strange way of describing the emotion.  i would never compare the feelings a man and a woman have towards eachother to the feelings a child has to his parents.... they are completely different..... using the same word is terrible way to describe both of those feelings.... the way i would describe my feelings towards my parents is more along the lines of a neediness for something concrete and constant in my life.... honestly something i could live without but have had and always will have... although i could be wrong, i believe true love is when there is someone that you can not see yourself living without, or would not want to live without...... honestly i could have completely different parents and i know my feelings would be very similar, that is not love.... that is some other emotion, important nonetheless, but not to be confused with love.....

ok first of all... since we are all supposed to celebrate the love we have on valentine's day i guess that means there will be lots of masturbating.... second this is a really funny quote about how we hate valentine's day by http://make-it-stop.motime.com "Yeh I am like that on secretary’s day. Piss on the corporate bastards that rub it in our faces that we are alone or we are not secretaries." ...........so on a more serious note..... i think we all have times in our life that we never forget, times that are really special. unfortunately times change and the "specialness" is lost to us only to be kept in our memories.... i think we all try to get back to those memories that are really special.... try to relive those times again.... unfortunately we never can.... they will always just be great memories and we will have to wait for something completely new and even more special......

i have a problem with people that don't think about rules and authority.... i believe people should make their own rules and morals formed by what they believe.  i hate it when people won't do things or think certain ways just because it is the law or some authority figure said so.... go get a brain of your own damnit.....

it really bugs me that some people don't think gays should be able to marry... what the fuck difference does it make to those people... that's like saying blacks shouldn't be able to marry... it's just discrimination.... and for those people that are relgious perhaps they should take a lesson from al sharpton "people can choose how they want to sin" or something along those lines....

ok so i don't read enough.... it would be so interesting to go a second try at life ya know... do everything you thought about after it was too late....

so do you believe the world can become a better place? what do you have to lose by believing. the stakes are too high not to take a risk, jump in, make a difference, believe in a better world, or as john lennon said ... imagine...

it is strange how sometimes when you are running up the stairs and your foot misses the next step.... you tumble down and you just sit there for a second... everything stops... whereve you were going, whatever you were doing, not important and out of your mind just like that *snap*.  i also often think how strange it is that you may never see someone again.... if you pass them on the street it is irrelevant and doesn't bother you, if you meet them for a day they may or may not leave an impression on you and you may or may not give it a second thought, if you know them for a long time it can affect your entire life...  so why is it ok to make fun of people for things that they can supposedly "help" but not for things people can't help.  if people could help the things you are amking fun of wouldn't they? and even if they don't want to then why are we making fun of people for being how they want to be?   but then on the other hand isn't it ok to make fun of people if they will never find out because some people are getting enjoyment out of it and it isn't hurting anyone..... i had it and then i lost it again...

we spend a lot of time dong trivial things and time is the only thing in the world we can't get back....

it's funny how when i have nothing to write about i wrote about myself.... lol

i spose i should write something about something... i love music... it is crazy how i can just play the guitar and look up and all of a sudden an hour is gone.... i'm terrible at motivating myself to do things i dont like, thank goodness for deadlines.... ok....

that last post was too long for the short attention span......

zero tolerance or zero intelligence?  not sure which.... so two days ago, while leaving school.  i was running into my friends car and pushing it around the parking lot with my car.  so my friend grabs an air gun out of a friend's car and shoots my car twice.  i speed away and then turn around and come back and talk with my friend that shot at my car.  well it so happened that a teacher noticed this and told the school that my friend was "pointing a gun at people and people were running away and diving behind cars" well first of all the person "running away" was a girl that was conditioning for track.... and no one else was around or diving behind cars.  turns out my friend is suspended for 10 days with a consideration for expulsion... he is not allowed to go on the senior trip and this could effectively make him fail his PSEO class because he won't be able to attend class.  now someone explain this to me.... yes having a tory gun on school property is probably not a great idea.... but that is the only bad thing he did... no one was involved that didn't know what was going on.... no one could've been hurt..... so  he is punished. yes some sort of punishment is necessary but this punishment is probably goign to cost his family hundreds of dollars.... and what exactly is the point of this punishment.... all he is gonig to learn is that the system is fucked up and unfair and make him hate school and the people there even more..... but apparently the school is required to give out a suspension if someone has a firearm (even though this wasn't)  as i was told the policy is put in place for two reasons 1. deter people from bringing guns to school (yes now the person that is going to shoot up the school will not because he knows he is going to get a suspension) 2. free the school from liability because they can say they had a policy..... god forbid administrators actually think about situations and apply punishment as it is do..... no no no we can't have them thinking..... we have to have a policy so they do as little thinking as possible.    also i was told the teacher that reported my friend was just doing his job ..... well ya know what he makes me feel really safe for a number of reasons 1.  apparently he though it was a real gun and didn't call the cops (which implies he actually didn't think it was a real gun and leads to my second point) 2. he was just being a jackass and getting kids in trouble when they were causing no harm instead of talking with them about what they were doing.  and schools wonder why kids shoot up schools..... they are unreasonable, often time jackass, and make the whole experience pretty god damn unpleasant, yes my friends should've been punished, yes it was a stupid decision, but seriously the whole point of punishments is to teach a lesson, what is the lesson being learned here?  our administrators are a bunch of fucks.

so i was watching pbs tonight and they had some sort of show about race and poverty... basically the message trying to be made was that blacks need good role models and a little help in society if they are ever goign to get out of the rut they are in.  which if you look into the situation it makes a lot of sense but the profound thought i had was..... (excited?) ..... is it possible to have a society without poor?  i should hope so but i don't think our society would work right now without poor....

leaving is weird.... the feelings you get when you are leaving people you really really like and enjoy spending time with.... it is a very sad and strange feeling... much different i believe than other sad feelings.... sort of an all alone feeling mixed with a heartbreak and longing feeling.... but i don't know... does anyone know a song the really expressed what it is like to leave, go away, perhaps never come back?

went skiing this weekend in maryland... it was fun... good times....during the drive home i had a bunch of thoughts to put in here but i have forgotten all of them sigh...