i had a post awhile back about loneliness.  one of my major beliefs about being a teenager is that we all have this sense that we can't really relate to anyone else.  this is in response to http://mewithoutyou.motime.com.  first of all i don't appreciate comments like that.  if you have something mean to say keep it to yourself or state it in a non-insulting manner, thanks.  secondly, none of us have any idea what it's like to be someone else at any time.  a lot of people would argue james ( a kid at my school) isn't alone and wouldn't know what it is like to be alone.  they'd be wrong.  this kid can't begin to share his life with anyone else.  having friends doesn't mean you aren't alone.  don't get me wrong though, having friends is great, i don't know what i would do without mine but i still feel an emptiness, like i'm missing something.  and i didn't share my blog with a bunch of people i know for a reason... i don't share most of my thoughts and feelings with people.  this blog is the most i share and it's not even a quarter of it.  i don't feel as if i can share my life with another person.  that is being alone.  that is what james is experiencing.... that is what every teenager experiences.  i can't pretend to know what you are feeling but something i've tried to live by (although am not always true to) is to not minimalize other people's feelings and i'd appreciate the same... the truth is none of us have it very bad and none of us that can write in a blog have a right to complain.   if you don't like what i write go somewhere else.  lastly, i have had a post about this before, i keep this journal as a current running tally of my thoughts and emotions.  thoughts and emotions are always the most intense when they happen.  at that moment i wrote what i felt.  you have no right to tell me i didn't feel that.  emotions aren't a logical result of what happens in our lives... in fact, they are rather illogical.  truth is though, i still know right now why i wrote that entry and i don't feel very much different.  i'm glad i have a blog because that comment is a prime example why i can't share my feelings with people... the very desire we all have.  i know i didn't write all of what i thought about that comment in here but i'm going to stop now.

in response to ava's comment http://somedayunderground.blogdrive.com

the whole affirmative action issue with colleges I support.  anyone that has spent anytime in a sociology or psychology class knows that humans repeat the behaviors attitudes environments and lives that they are exposed to.  this has become a serious problem in our society. blacks make 76 cents to every dollar made by white males (and the statistics are similar for females and all other minorities).  affirmative action is an effort to break the cycle of poverty which is very important in any society.  societies can't just have a large amount of people with no chance of ever achieving more than they were ever exposed to.  the problem is not in the idea of affirmative action but in the execution of it...  kids coming from poor backgrounds should have an equal chance, not just kids that are black.  when we focus on the minority side of it, it forces it to become more of a race issue than it is.  it is no longer about poverty, it is about blacks and whites.   and ya know about my own situation, yes it bugs me a little that the kid that got into the college with worst scores than me was native american, and went to a private school.  whatever though that is life.  when we let things like that get to us we will have a lot of problems.  if i had tried harder in school i would be in a better situation but i didn't.  it's just that it is hard to let things like that go when you see them, thus the need for reform in affirmative action. 

props to sarah http://patternsinstatic.motime.com check out her new blog if you get a chance, not much in it yet....

i'm in the process of reading the fountainhead and i read a quote i really like so i'm going to have to share it with everyone "Is it an inspiring sight to see a man commit a heroic gesture, and then learn that he goes to vaudeville shows for relaxation? Or see a man who's painted a magnificent canvas --- and learn that he spends his time sleeping with every slut he meets?" i have a really hard to admiring people, it seems as if the most i can do is say "yea i really like that person". I just can't get over people's flaws. and it's not like i don't have flaws, i wouldn't expect people to think any differently of me but i don't understand how people can see others and say "you are my hero" "or you are my role model" or "you are my idol". just never really made sense to me.... there is no such things as perfection in people ya know and often times that just makes me reject everyone, i just become totally disgusted with everything.

props to greg http://imsoboredwithme.blogdrive.com 

i'm going to work with people when i get older, in some way... i don't like how we can meet people and really like them but then never really get a chance to truly know them....life is escapism

first of all everyone should go read this blog www.istandcorrected.motime.com i've always liked this person's writing...

second of all my comments about writing are only half truths... i was bitter.

the following was inspired by someone else:  why is it that we have to refer to teachers as mr. or mrs.  i think this is a total power trip... i think the learning environment would be a lot more conducive to learning if we felt as if teachers treated us as equals mostly.  i remember in sixth grade when they split up our class into two different classes, one was the "bad" class and one was the "good" class...  what was that all about.... the school basically decided that certain kids were losers and always would be so let's not expose the kids that have some sort of potential to them... it reminds me of cities thought they would solve poverty problems, putting all the poor people in the same area...  yea we can all see how effective that plan has been, crime skyrockets and the cycle repeats itself until the area is a slum...  i think this is because people live up to what they know, so basically by putting all the "bad" kids in the same class they condemmed those kids to be "bad".  people talk about kids falling between the cracks in the system but this seems a lot more like being shoved into the blender of our system...

props to ava http://somedayunderground.blogdrive.com/

i think it is interesting that "good" writing is so indirect. it says things without saying them. it make you "feel" what it is trying to say.... but ya know what i think.... i think the reason people like it is because when they finally figure out what the hell it is trying to say they are so proud of themselves.... they feel accomplished, like someone that just figured out a tough puzzle. well that's probably not the whole reason it is considered "good" writing, but i'm sure it is part of it.... i can sorta relate to being able to feel writing rather than just reading it...

props to greg http://imsoboredwithme.blogdrive.com

ok i think i have a problem.  i believe i have some sort of weird fetish or fascination or attraction to girls with problems.  as if the only girls i can feel as if i really relate to are ones that open up to me about all their problems.  why is this?  i don't really want to date a girl who feels as if life is terrible and they have all sorts of problems but yet girls that are happy and realize their problems aren't they big of a deal i just can't seem to relate to.  can't have good conversations with them or get to the point where i feel as if i have feelings for them.  i'd say this problem could be pretty detrimental to me finding a good relationship cause i don't know how i could possibly have a good relationship with someone that isn't even mature enough to put their problems in perspective.  and how am i supposed to be really happy with a partner that isn't happy?  yea i should fix that...