post 1:  I've been thinking about starting one of these for a very long time but never got around to it.  Often when I'm in the mood to write like this I feel too distraught (?or lazy perhaps?) to actually write.  So tonight I finally decided to actually begin.  It seems unlikely that I will actually keep at this.  Anyways, on to tonights thoughts.  Besides my thoughts on starting a journal (eventually i will also post about my past) tonight I wanted to discuss football.  I play football for my highschool.  I don't actually play a position though, I kick.  At times it seems pretty bad because I do all the preseason work with the team (3 months of lifting and conditioning) and I do all the regular season work but I don't get to go out and actually play.  I just kick.  On the other hand I don't get my ass kicked all the time and have to go out and do it again (I know what it's like because i used to play other positions).  So that is a plus.  Although football season is the longest season of all highschool sports (almost six months) because the entire summer is devoted to it.  So when you spend 3 months barfing your guts out and then waking up early the nexxt morning, sore, to do it all over again you become very emotionally attached to the game.  Come friday night all those emotions are put on the field and to watch your team lose and feel totally helpless while it is happening is completely emotionally draining.  That's is probably why i'm writing here right now (as you might have noticed i'm not capitalizing my "i"s anymore, screw it).  i'm drained and it hurts... bad...  There is a lot more to why this hurts so much but i just don't know if i can put up with this for the next eight weeks.  I just don't know.  ugh... anyways though as i put this into writing it becomes a lot more obvious that football isn't everything (thank god) and life will go on (hopefully sooner rather than later).  Also just to keep those of you interested in my blog that have no affection for football.... what does everyone think of the entire iraq  "situation".  i won't go into details but i don't think we should've ever gone to war.   Bad decision by a bad president.  And on to another topic on my mind... how about life what the hell is the point of it?  personal fyi: i'm an atheist that really wants to believe there is a point to life but can't convince myself... sorta depressing to see all the pain we go through and then realize there was no point in going through it in the first place.  why not just kill ourselves?