it's too late the negativity has arrived and i've sunk into my music... i'm getting sicking of learning how to save myself over and over and never really learning... this is why i always admire the characters in novels that are detached from the world around them. the ones that walk around like observers, wallflowers. they always have just the right line to say but you aren't ever sure quite what they are saying. you can feel it nonetheless. i can't identify with these characters i'm caught up in life, i just admire them.... often times i feel a desire to have life unfold like a novel, every said is strong and powerful, every detail is observered as if it was essential to living itself....another trait of the detached person, the wallflower... everything is powerful... i always thought throughout my life that i could be whatever i wanted... and in most cases i have become what i wanted when i wanted but i could never emulate being wallflower.... perhaps that is why i admire it, it is too real to fake like everything else i've been able to fake.